Announcer: It's been a defensive struggle all day between these 2 teams.
You're right. The penthouse does have the best tv in the hotel.
And 413 has the best bathroom. You should try it.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Touchdown!
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Ay, yi, yi, yi!
Go, team!
Oh, no. What's Mr. moseby's gonna say?
Well, I don't know. Let's ask him.
♪ Here I am in your life ♪
♪ here you are in mine ♪
♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪
♪ most of the time ♪
♪ you and me, we got the world to see ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ just me and you know what to do ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪
♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪
♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ this is the suite life ♪
♪ we've got a suite life ♪
What are you doing? Homework.
There was school today?
I thought it was a long weekend.
It's Wednesday.
Oh! So it's almost the weekend again.
Well, no point in going now.
London, I have a message from your father.
He is outraged by your poor attendance record at school.
How did he find out?
He went to your school open house and they'd never heard of you.
Daddy went to open house?
He does care.
He cares so much that he's having you transferred
to our lady of perpetual sorrow.
That's funny. My school's the same name.
What are the odds?
Oh! Oh! [Sobbing]
You mean, I have to wear...Plaid
3 days a week?
School is 5 days a week.
This just gets worse and worse.
Glad to see you're bonding.
Well, at least it wasn't the whole wall.
Just be glad I'm not charging them with breaking and entering.
Actually, it would be breaking and entering and then breaking.
But I think it is a very good idea to have the boys repair the damage.
Oh!
Reporting for duty, sir. Hi, Carey.
Hi, arwin.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Where are the boys? They're late.
Please, sir. I don't tell you how to run your hotel.
You don't tell me how to run my crew.
Zack and Cody reporting for duty, sir.
Oh, don't you look adorable.
All: Thank you.
Now, boys, you are to follow all of arwin's directions precisely.
And be careful.
Oh, don't worry, Carey. When I was in school, I was a phi beta hamma.
Well, I think we'll let you get to your work.
Love you.
[Sighs]
Arwin! Arwin!
What?
Crew, ten-hut!
Are you eyeballing me, boy?
Sorry. I'm just kidding. I've always wanted to do that.
Ok, now, you're here to follow my instructions.
So do everything I do exactly as I do it.
[Sighs]
Here we go.
Are you mocking me?
So, this is the cafeteria.
What do you want for breakfast, London?
London?
I look horrible.
We're all wearing the same thing.
You look horrible, too.
No! No! No! No, no, no, no, no!
This is where you eat?
Where are the tablecloths, the candles, the string quartet?
You had a string quartet at your school?
For breakfast. At lunch it was the philharmonic.
Oh. Table for 2. Something with a view, please.
Certainly. Why don't you sit at table 1?
It has a lovely view of table 2.
Oh, I understand.
No, no. [Gasps]
I'm sorry, sister.
Please excuse my friend.
She's new here and doesn't get it.
Well, I'm making it your responsibility
to make sure she does get it.
Got it?
Got it. Got it?
Got it. What'd I get?
Oh!
No. I'll take an egg white omelet
with tomatoes, shallots, and crumbled feta.
Oh, and instead of slicing the tomatoes, could you dice them?
Why did that man put cement on my tray?
This is just like prison,
only the outfits are worse.
Hi, guys. I'd like you to meet...
London tipton?
I can't believe London tipton's in our cafeteria.
Me neither.
I just met London tipton.
I met her months ago. Believe me, the thrill wears off.
Oh, well. Then I guess I'm not inviting you
to the bandini fashion show today.
The thrill is back. You wanna be best friends?
I made a friend in prison.
All right, guys, in order to properly replaster this wall,
ironically, we must first make this hole slightly bigger.
All right!
Not that big.
We're gonna need more plaster.
Luckily, mother got me some for Christmas.
What'd she get you for your birthday, grout?
No.
Spackle.
You're making it worse.
Listen.
You don't tell me how to fix things,
and I won't tell you how to boil a pheasant.
You don't boil it. You braise it.
Oh, my gosh. I broke through to the next room.
There's a girl's soccer team in there.
Maybe we should go next door and say hello.
"Maybe we should go next door and say hello."
Zack, you can't spy on them. It's wrong.
Haven't you always wanted to know what a girl really thinks,
what they really want,
what they really talk about?
So you don't care about what they look like?
Only in the interest of science.
Well, I do love science.
Incoming!
All right, guys, let's close up that hole.
No! No!
I mean, it's lunchtime.
But all we've done is made a bigger hole.
Don't make us call the union.
All right, let's dig in.
Well, you don't have to eat with us, arwin.
It's bad enough you have to spend all day with us.
That's ok. I love spending time with my crew.
I just feel bad for my mom.
All by herself in a big, empty suite,
having to eat all alone.
See you, crew.
You forgot a comma. I gave you an "f."
I can't believe London tipton's in our English class.
She scares me.
[Gasps] I scare London tipton.
For tomorrow, I want you to write a report
on the metamorphosis by kafka.
Oy vey.
I would plotz for a cup of kafka.
Miss tipton, you have a comment?
Yes. You know, about that assignment thingy...
Yes.
It doesn't work for me.
Oh, I'm sorry. Do you have other plans?
As a matter of fact, I do.
Well, what works for you?
Look how reasonable she is.
I don't know why you keep saying these nuns are so mean.
Sister, I never said that.
I said how much you mean to me.
That's not what you said.
Shut up.
We don't say "shut up."
Somebody just did.
Sorry, sister.
Look, sis, can I get that assignment thingy to you another day?
Sure, lon. Any day in particular you had in mind?
One second.
[Beeping]
Oh, Friday won't work because I have yoga. Party on Monday.
Can I have my people get back to your people?
My people are hard to reach.
It's a long-distance call.
London!
Well, now you're just being difficult.
[Gasps]
Somebody's in trouble.
Yeah. Somebody's in trouble.
Actually, 2 somebodys.
Who? Who? The creepy weird girl?
No. The spoiled hotel heiress.
Is Paris Hilton in this class?
No. I'm talking about you.
You and your friend maddie just bought yourselves 2 hours of detention.
But I've never got detention my entire life.
Neither have I.
That's because you never go to school.
And now you know why.
Thanks to you, Mary-Margaret and I can't go to the fashion show.
I hate you.
You were gonna take me?
Yeah.
I hate you, too.
The cute red-headed goalie is mine.
Keep her eyes off her.
You can have her.
I like the midfielder who's reading.
Would you read Cody rody a bedtime story?
I knew that she would.
Hey, guys. We got to get to the park.
The ice cream truck hit a train.
There's ice cream everywhere.
Who cares? I hit the wall,
and it's raining girls in there.
We're unraveling the mystery that is woman.
So you're peeping.
For science.
I love science. It's my favorite subject.
Uh-uh-uh. Sorry.
This hole is just for me and my brother.
I got 10 bucks.
Hello, brother Bob.
Oh, well, this is a waste of 10 bucks.
They're just all sitting around reading and...
Wait. Wait a minute. Pillow fight.
Let me see. Me first.
Back off. Brother Bob's doing his science project.
The name is Zeke. First time in detention?
I've never even gotten a "b" before.
Me neither. Me neither.
And now I'm stuck in here with a bunch of losers.
What are you in for?
I hit a kid who called me a loser.
Sister, save me.
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ hallelujah ♪
♪ Halle ♪
♪ lujah ♪
Bless you for calling.
What?
I'm on my way.
Someone stole the holy sugar cookies
for the visiting nuns.
8 of the 12 apostles are missing.
I've got to run down and get some more at smart & pious.
I'll be back in an hour. No one moves.
Sis, what if I have to go to the bathroom?
Hold it, and remember,
he is watching.
Well, I'm out of here.
Where are you going?
I'm not missing that bandini show.
I'll be there and back before the sis with a pen returns.
Oh!
London, think. The show is in New York,
which is over an hour away even by private jet.
Ah. You forgot the time change.
There's no time difference between Boston and New York.
Really? No wonder I'm always late.
Hey, open the door!
I'm too big a loser to open the door.
That doesn't even make sense.
I'm too big a loser to make sense.
Oh, shut up.
I'm too big a loser to...
London!
Great. This morning I was going to Harvard.
Now I'll be lucky to be accepted at big al's beauty school.
Woman: They must be here somewhere.
Well, my mother always wanted me to be a nun.
Let's go.
Not me. I've got a fashion show to get to.
No. I promised Mr. moseby, sister Dominick, and God
I'd look after you.
And frankly, I'm not sure which one I'm most scared of.
There you are.
Sisters, we were afraid you were lost.
Well, we're not. Got to go pray.
No. The cafeteria is this way.
It is such an honor to have you here,
all the way from Finland, sister huuskonenen.
Could you please translate?
Huh?
You are sister Kim, her translator?
Oh, right.
Kassa flugen de hooven.
Kassa flagen subermegen...
Dooksee gohoofer.
She says hi.
Anyway, we can't wait
until we hear all about our sister convent in helsinki.
We prefer to call it "hecksinki."
Oh.
Time's up, Bob. Please come again.
Darn.
Well, I did find out that the blonde likes boys
who are honest, sincere, and trustworthy.
Great. If you ever date her,
be sure to tell her that you first spotted her through a hole in the wall.
Maybe I'll leave that out.
Guys, where have you been?
I've been standing at the ice cream truck.
Now I can't get that stupid song out of my head.
[Humming "pop goes the weasel"]
Hey, hey. Warren, we know the song.
[Humming]
Dude, keep it down.
We're listening to hot girls on the other side of the wall.
And you're letting me stand here singing a stinkin' ice cream song?
This is a lot better than ice cream.
Now, you wait here.
Uh, cookie, sister?
Look! It's London tipton!
Shh! Shh!
I'm undercover.
London tipton's undercover.
London tipton's gonna smack you silly if you don't shut up.
Don't worry. I got her. You're supposed to be in detention.
I think I'm going to a much worse place.
I'll pray for you.
[Bell rings]
Well, here she is.
She made it all the way from helsinki.
Oh. Hecksinki.
Sister husskonenen.
Let's get this show on the road.
What's your favorite thing about Boston?
Kassa booben schneek ferbluken Boston?
Oh.
Ieeschnizenen. Yummy, yummy.
Lots of cute boys.
Youbein adumma asimposter.
Sister husskonenen,
we understand that you've recorded some Finnish folk songs.
Would you please sing one for us?
Schneek formetha.
Oh, non. Non.
Nachen gonahacken.
♪ Flanken flugel ♪
♪ flanken flugel ♪
♪ en madorken massa ry ♪
♪ fransken flugel ♪
♪ fransken schweugel ♪
♪ terkokangel tooserpi ♪
Everyone!
I love this one!
It's gibberish.
Wait. I thought it was Finnish.
♪ Uh-ohhh ♪
Time to get out of here.
But they want an encore.
♪ Fluven bossi ♪
This is the real sister husskonenenenen.
And that one is an imposter.
[Gasps]
She is?
Shamea on a younen.
See ya.
Oh!
Now I'm not even going to get into big al's beauty school.
Not with that hair.
Girl: You know what I really like? When a boy strokes my hair.
Yeah, and I really love a foot rub.
This is getting good.
Is someone writing this stuff down?
Got it.
You know what really makes me melt?
A good poke in the eye.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Not my good eye.
Girl: That'll teach you.
Hi, guys. What's going on?
Hey, where did these holes come from?
Uh...Termites?
Ow! Ow!
A termite just poked my eyes out.
Ow!
They're really angry!
I just got a complaint about peeping Toms.
I wasn't peeping. No peeping here.
Oh, pish posh. You people were peeping.
And I, for one, am ashamed of you, and I'm going home.
Me, too. Good idea.
I'm gonna call your parents. They're be waiting to ground you.
I am so ashamed of you.
Carey, I promise.
I would never, ever peek on a...
Did you do something with your hair?
I guess you two have a lot to talk about. Come on, Cody.
No. Not so fast.
This is low even for you.
I am very disappointed in you two.
I can't believe you used my tools for evil.
Thank you, Carey.
I thought I raised you to have more respect for women.
You did. But those weekends with dad...
Enough. You're gonna write those girls an apology
and an essay on why peeping is wrong.
500 words each.
500 words? Couldn't you just ground us?
A thousand.
A thousand?
2,000. You wanna go for 3?
Quit while we're behind.
You don't even know 3,000 words.
Maddie: I'm so sorry, sister.
I've been a perfect student here since kindergarten.
I've napped when I was supposed to nap. I ate all my snacks.
Even the beets.
I've never done a single thing wrong,
and now it's all ruined in one day.
This stinks.
Listen. Sister Dominick, it wasn't maddie's fault.
I'm the one who escaped from detention,
and it was my idea to put on those ugly dresses you wear.
No offense.
Maddie was just trying to get me back inside
so I wouldn't get in any more trouble.
So...Don't blame her.
Blame me.
Madeline,
you could learn something from London.
Huh? Huh?
She has clearly grasped our lord's message of repentance
in just one day here at our lady.
London has taken responsibility
for her actions.
Well done, dear.
You will not be punished.
Yay, me!
But I did nothing. This is all her fault.
It is better to find one fault in yourself
than to find a thousand in someone else.
You know, I really like this school.
We are gonna have so much fun.
Well, once you get out of detention, of course.
Yourapenen enmiflugen.
Love you, too.